PARENTING STRESS: IS THERE MORE NOW THAN WHEN WE WERE YOUNGER?

I recently had an informative session with very loving and consistent parents and their tween child.  Much of the session dealt with setting appropriate limits for video gaming. Like most of the parents with whom I consult, these parents were setting “boundaries” regarding video game time to one hour per evening on school nights.  (This is consistent with the recommendations of both the American Academy of Pediatrics and the American Psychological Association). 

Additionally, we had implemented color zones for emotional regulation, the use of a timer, a preferred snack and reading for pleasure before bed as a “wind down” time. My patient has made significant progress with symptom reduction in many areas but despite these behavioral and cognitive behavioral interventions, occasionally my tween patient would self-appraise as “orange” (which is 4 out of 5) on the “upset chart” at the end of “gaming time”. I concurred with my tween patient (the parents brought a video).

But my young tween patient, wise beyond their years, had compelling remarks.  They stated, (and I paraphrase), “I am not addicted to my games, this is how I play with my friends!”

And as I pondered how to reframe this parent-child discussion into a viable solution, I thought back to my own pre-teen and early teen years. (For this portion of my blog post, try to put your mindset into the old television show “The Wonder Years”.  

Simply, after homework was completed, I could go out to play touch football with my friends a block or more away from my home “until the streets lights came on”.  And I could ride my bike five blocks and cross Main Street to complete my foreign language homework with my best friend (his father helped us) and then play basketball at his neighbor’s hoop and then ride my bike home calling on a landline that I was on my way home.

Those were the two rules!  Even though my own father was in law enforcement, there was not a significant concern in my home regarding my safety.  And my grades were good, and I could still play with my friends.

As I reflected on this, I began to think even more about how much parenting in our contemporary society has changed.  And often to the extent that stress on parents to make the right decisions, particularly if your child has a special need or condition, can be overwhelming.

Both the American Psychological Association and the United States Surgeon General have recently issued alerts regarding the stress of parenting.  Here are some takeaways:

Navigating Parenting Stress: Insights and Solutions

Parenting is a journey filled with joy, love, and challenges. However, the stress that comes with raising children can sometimes feel overwhelming. The U.S. Surgeon General, Dr. Vivek Murthy, recently issued an alert highlighting the dangers of parental stress and its impact on both parents and children. This alert serves as a wake-up call for parents, caregivers, and society at large to address this critical issue.

Understanding Parenting Stress

Parenting stress is the distress experienced when the personal demands of raising children have an adverse impact. This stress can stem from many factors, including maintaining work and family schedules, health and safety concerns, feelings of isolation and financial stress. Additionally, according to the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, circumstances like family or community violence, poverty, and discrimination can also increase the risk for more serious chronic stress in parents.

The Impact of Parenting Stress

The effects of parenting stress are far-reaching. It can lead to burnout, characterized by feelings of exhaustion, cynicism, and a decrease in self-fulfillment. Parents experiencing burnout may struggle with fatigue, tension, and even physical illness. This not only affects the parents' well-being but may also adversely impact their ability to provide a nurturing and consistent environment for their children.

The Surgeon General's Alert

Dr. Murthy's alert emphasizes the need for greater awareness and action to support parents and caregivers. The alert calls for policy changes, such as more flexible work schedules and childcare vouchers, to make life easier for parents. It also highlights the importance of social support and open dialogue about parental stress to reduce the stigma and isolation that many parents feel.

Coping Strategies for Parents

To manage parenting stress, it's essential to recognize the signs and take proactive steps to address them. Here are some strategies that can help:

1. Seek Social Support: Connect with other parents who understand what you're going through. Sharing experiences and advice can provide comfort and practical solutions. Utilize grandparents and extended family in cohesive situations to provide respite.
2. Practice Self-Care: Make time for activities that you enjoy and that help you relax. Whether it's reading a book, going for a walk, or spending time with friends, self-care is crucial.
3. Set Realistic Expectations: Understand that no parent is perfect, and it's okay to make mistakes. Focus on progress rather than perfection.
4. Create Routines: Establishing consistent routines can provide a sense of stability for both children and parents.
5. Seek Professional Help: If stress becomes overwhelming, consider talking to a licensed child psychologist or child therapist regarding your child’s needs. Therapy can provide valuable tools and support.

Conclusion

Society has significantly changed.  My young tween patient is right.  Play is not the same.  Balancing face-to-face play activities with video game time now requires more attention to organization, transportation of our children to safe environments for play, and often increased cost.

Additionally, as parents, grandparents, healthcare providers and educators, we should make a concerted effort to encourage face to face communication by the children in our care with their friends beyond game platforms, texting, Instagram and Snapchat.  This is an ongoing learning curve for all adults who participate in children’s lives.

Parenting stress is a significant issue that requires attention and action. By raising awareness, providing support, and implementing practical solutions, we can navigate the challenges of raising children and create healthier, happier development while addressing each child’s individual needs.

As Garrison Keillor once said, “Nothing we do for children is ever wasted”.

As always, if I can be of assistance, please reach out.
Dr. M

Special Note: All references herein regarding a past or current patient have been deidentified, this entire blog post has been reviewed by the child’s parents prior to posting and written approval has been obtained from both parents who are the “holder of the privilege”.